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  • Writer's pictureClaire Marie


For so many years, I have heard "experts" and other people say that you shouldn't bring "baggage" into a relationship. My hubby and I tend to disagree.

OK - don't get me wrong. We understand the basic concept that one should not let their past hurts and traumas interfere with current relationships, but how do you truly do that when those experiences formed the person we are today? All of our experiences culminate into the human being we are at this moment in time, so how can we really leave our "baggage" behind?

When we really dig deep and understand that life happens - good or bad, we understand that everything we experience shapes us. We really can't leave that baggage in the past but we can use it to strengthen our current relationships. We don't have to re-live it or discuss it in depth. We don't even have to think about it all that often, but we can look back at the past with a new perspective.

In more recent years, I've heard it said like this - "I don't want to leave my baggage behind, but I'd like to have someone help me carry it when it gets too heavy." In our newer (and hopefully healthier) relationships, we can tap into our empathy and aid each other in carrying the baggage, as needed. We can learn to recognize behaviors in ourselves or our partners/friends that might trigger past memories, causing us to react badly to a situation. We can learn to "check" that baggage, knowing it's still there so that we might draw wisdom from it without allowing it to drag us into the past. Then, when we are ready, maybe we can unpack the baggage for good.

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